Dear Mom, I Still Miss You
Dear Mom,
I can’t believe two years have passed since I last heard your voice. I’ll never forget holding your hand and listening to your quiet, labored breathing. You saw me take my first breath in this world and I saw you take your last. I took new spring flowers to yours and Dad’s grave today. It was peaceful there and the sun was shining brightly, bringing warmth into a cold Spring day. I miss you more now than I did two years ago. As time moves on, the feeling of permanence settles in. You really are gone.
Lillie just turned two. I remember feeling cheated that you went away just 10 days after she was born. I wanted you to know her and watch her grow. But now I look back with gratitude. Funny how perspective changes with the passing of time. I am grateful you made the trip, oxygen and all, almost 3 hours away to see her. Somehow I think you knew your life on this earth was coming to an end. Did you hold her a little tighter and gaze into her face a little longer? I think about that when I have to leave her. Chances are good it won’t be the last time I see her but we are not promised tomorrow, so I hug her a little tighter and gaze into her face a little longer…just like you. God knew you were getting ready to leave me and he knew I needed Lillie. You did too.
You would be so proud of Lillie’s mommy. She reminds me so much of you. She loves so hard and disciplines so reluctantly. I’m glad she picks her battles so gently. Lillie is a feisty little redhead and I love her spirit. You would too. She loves music. Do you know she loves an old hymnbook that came from your house? It doesn’t seem to matter that she can’t read it. But she likes to sing. And she loves books. If you were still here she would most certainly climb into your chair with you and let you read a book to her. No doubt she would find the candy dish on your table. And she gives the best kisses! Her mommy and daddy take her to church on Sundays. I know you would be pleased.
So much has changed in two years. New members have been added to the family. Two new great-grandchildren and a new daughter in law! I know the answers to your prayers would make you so happy. Of course, you never doubted. I didn’t call you “Mary Sunshine” for nothing! You had more faith and trust in the Lord than anyone I know. Can you just picture “Friday Night Seafood” with all those little ones around the table? And it would make you smile to know I am finally getting a new kitchen. No more complaining about so little counter space. Remember, you did agree that I needed more! And those bedroom drawers we joked about? They’re full. I need more! (Or I need to donate some clothes?!) I can just imagine the look on your face when I tell you we have chickens, chickens! I would give anything to clean your house again. To be able to hear “thank you for cleaning my house” and to respond “thank you for letting me.” I really miss having a prayer warrior on my side. There are so many little things I do that whisper I’m your daughter, still.
One by one I see your friends and peers are passing away. It makes me sad. I know you would be sad too. You loved your friends, especially those at church. I’m sure they miss you. And one by one, family members are going home. You loved your family more than anything! What a great reunion you must be having!
I love you and I always will. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and Dad. It still seems I should be able to pick up the phone and call you or walk into your house and find you sitting in your chair or at the table. I can still hear you say “hello Robin!”. Every time NC State wins, I think of how pleased and happy Dad would be. I know he would like the new basketball coach. He would be happy to know everyone in the family is a State fan. Well everyone except one. But we still love her anyway.
Easter is a few days away. You died on Easter! You made your last journey when the sun came up. What a privilege to reach the finish line on the day that God raised Jesus from the grave and what a blessing it was for me to witness the moment you saw Jesus face to face! Easter is the perfect day to go home!
Life is good. We have our ups and downs but we’re making it. We’re blessed. There are days I miss you so bad I can’t stand it but I know without a doubt I will see you and Dad again. That makes me smile. We didn’t have enough time on earth together but I know we have eternity.
Until then…
Love always, Robin
